SINGLE AGAIN: CAN I DO THIS?
One of the first things that I found myself asking repeatedly when I was first single again was “can I do this”? It might seem like a silly question to some, but when you are married you become used to being a “team”. And when the “team” disbands, there are a lot of things in life that seem quite insurmountable.
For me, this question was like a plague. In my marriage I had been less “able” than I could have been. This was not purposeful on my part, but it was a role I placed myself in. Standing up for myself and learning to do things on my own wasn’t even much of a thought for me…until I was single again.
The funny thing about finding the answer to this question is that you have to dive in to discover it! You have to do it. Try new things. Solve problems on your own. Go head to head with your struggles.
Lucky for me, I have some amazing female friends. The ones I am thinking of all happen to be married, but they are awesome, capable women. I learned a lot from them in my first years of being alone.
One time I knew that I needed to have someone check the oil level in my car. So I asked my friends if one of their husbands could do that for me. Amusingly, my girlfriends took care of that and showed me how to do it on my own in the future. For some reason it never really occurred to me to ask my girls in the first place.
In a way, that is an embarrassing thing for me to admit, but it is what it is. My mindset it much different now and I find myself feeling very much in the driver’s seat of my life and it feels very manageable.
Knowing two things specifically helped me with this:
One: I am equipped by God to live this life (2 Peter 1:3 says “He has given us all things that pertain to life”). This means I am able. Even though I may not know how to do something at the moment, I am equipped to solve problems that come up. Which leads directly to my #2.
Two: I don’t have to do any of this alone. Yes, I am single. But I am not alone. Not by a long shot. I am surrounded by people who love me and who are my cheerleaders and advisers. I often call on a friend to help me with something I don’t know about, or when I need a listening ear. It’s amazing the team that God will build around you if you relax and let people into your life.
So, can you do this? Yes, you absolutely can. And you can do it successfully and with a lot of grace. It is a truth that if I can do it, you can do it.
Just remember that if you are single again you have walk forward and be willing to tackle problems and struggles head-on. A willingness to fail is helpful too. It’s no big deal to get something right on the second (or third or fourth) try!
If you have struggles and successes you would like to share, please do so in the comments!
Have a lovely day, friends!
