THANKFULNESS IN HARD TIMES
It’s only been over the last several years that I have realized that the season for giving thanks can actually be a struggle. Finding thankfulness in hard times is a challenge for sure, but never an impossible one. With an eye towards a new life and new traditions, you will find your way!
When I became single several years ago I found that I had to rethink my notions of family and holiday and tradition. All of those are tremendously important to me, but I did have to allow small changes in my mindset. Yes, my kids and I are still a family, but those ideas of Mom + Dad + Kids = Perfect Holiday had to be changed. It wasn’t the easiest thing to do, and in fact I am still in the process of figuring this out, but with some thought and effort you and your newly reformed family will be just fine. I promise you that!
Here are my best tips for finding thankfulness in hard times:
***Do something different. If you normally spend the holidays in a particular way, change things up. Invite some friends over. Try a different venue. Do something altogether different like going skiing on Christmas Day. Don’t stay in the frustration of normalcy, especially when that normalcy is quite out of sync.
***Take it easy. In the case of a big family change or upset (like a separation or divorce) give yourself some grace. You don’t need to figure everything out this year or even next year. Creating a new life and new memories takes time. If you and the kids just need the day alone to open presents and hang out in pj’s, then do it. Playing games and watching movies together might be very out of the ordinary, but also very fulfilling.
***Don’t conform to typical ideas of “holiday”. Don’t get trapped in someone else’s idea of what your life needs to look like. This goes along with my “take it easy” advice. Do what is best for you and your children. If someone has a problem with your plans, let it remain their problem. You have enough on your plate right now, and there is no need to take on anyone else’s goals for your life.
***Accept an invitation. The first few years on my own were tough, but I have good friends that I can lean on. Our first holiday season was difficult, but I knew that I could have a breakdown at a friend’s house without judgement and that my kids would also be supported through the process. This is so important! Trying to put on a happy face and pretend that all is well is a sure way to disaster. It’s better to pick an activity that feels safe and protected. There are many years ahead for you to plan your own huge holiday extravaganza…but the first year or two out is not the right timing!
***It’s the little things. When there is strain in a significant relationship, it is quite difficult to focus on other things, but I will say that it is the key to seeing things from another perspective. Taking a step back and allowing yourself to see more than the hardship will bring life into better focus. Start making a list of good things every morning. They may be small things, but they are something to be thankful for nonetheless. Is your bank account balanced? Maybe you have a friend who makes you smile. Or are the socks you are wearing really cool? I am not joking when I say to write it all down. All of it. The more you do it, the more you will have to write down.
***Do what you have always wanted to do. Sometimes in marriage we don’t get around to certain things for whatever reason. Although I have not pulled this off yet, my plan for an upcoming Christmas is to rent a cabin in the mountains and to have a lovely, sparkling Christmas with my little family, tucked away in the pine trees. It sounds heavenly and I can’t wait until I can make it happen!
***Trust. Trusting that God had my life in His hands and that my circumstances were no surprise to Him were my anchor in the beginning. I held on tight to these facts and it kept me from being swept away in the confusion of it all. Knowing and understanding that God has a vision for your future and that He intends it to be a good one, are keys toward successful healing and transformation. It’s too easy to get stuck in the mire when I think that it’s only ME that is responsible for and looking out for ME. Trust Him. He has it all in His hands and He is sorting it out right now. His timing is just different than our own. Be patient!
Finding thankfulness in hard times is challenging, but never impossible. You will have to refocus quite often and be proactive in staying away from negativity, but the results are worth it!
A thankful heart is a happy heart!
