3 TIPS FOR HEALING A BROKEN HEART

Let’s start with some honesty: healing a broken heart takes time and it can be quite painful.

You have gotten out of the relationship, some time has passed, and you are feeling stuck in all of the feelings. Even when you break things off, the feelings can be overwhelming. I found this out 2 years ago!

I knew I needed to get out of the relationship. The guy I was dating was nice but conflict remained unresolved and it had been a couple of months of tension. And I do not thrive in that type of environment. In fact, I found myself regressing to some past behaviors in the relationship that I worked very hard to get out of. The only healthy thing for me to do was to break up with him.

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Let me tell you that I was quite shocked at how I felt once I did the deed. I expected to feel free and to have less anxiety, but what I felt was incredibly sad and lost. For a long time.

Working with my therapist I discovered that although I went into the relationship with healthier tools than I had in my past, the person I was with did not have those same tools. And it took me a long time to recognize that because he talked a good game. He knew the lingo, but he didn’t have the tools.

This brought up a lot of trauma from my past and, unfortunately, I had to press into it rather than run away from the intense feelings. This created a difficult time period for me, but now that I am on the other side, I have a clearer picture of what and who I want in my life, and I am very secure in my single status.

And I consider that the silver lining of a rough break-up!

There are many steps to working through a break-up that you can try and I am sharing three that helped me a lot. Always keep in mind that working with a therapist can provide you with insight and a listening ear that will prove valuable.

FEEL THE FEELINGS. All of them. For as long as it takes. Give yourself grace with this. Avoid adding a “story” to your feelings (such as “I will always be alone” or “I always ruin things”). And stay away from thoughts like “I shouldn’t be feeling like this” or “I don’t want to feel this”. Feelings only leave when we allow them to move through. Emotions are physical manifestations of what is going on inside us. Look below for a tip on how to process feelings through your body.
DREAM FORWARD. At first, this one will be difficult, so give it time. Not only is a person missing from your life, but the future you planned is also non-existent. And this is not a small thing. When you notice a moment when the feelings aren’t intense, get out your journal and start writing down what you want your life to look like. Keep in mind that you and you alone get to choose what the future looks like. Dream big and write down specifics. You will probably go back and forth between feeling hopeful and hopeless, but a new dream will help pull you closer to hopefulness, day by day.
GIVE YOURSELF NEW EXPERIENCES. Once my relationship ended, it seemed like my happy memories were tied to one person. I had to create new memories to remind myself that I CAN do this on my own. Some things I did on my own, some with family and friends, but those new experiences created more hope for my future as I invested in myself. This happened slowly, over time, but it did happen. And once it did, I had already created deeper relationships with people who loved me and supported me through a tough time. This is a bonus I am taking forward in my life.

HEAL YOUR BROKEN HEART

Anyone who has had to heal a broken heart, if they are honest, will tell you it is difficult and painful. Do not get caught up in trying to cover your emotions because they will stick with you and come back stronger at a later time. The best thing to do is to dive in and love yourself enough to do the hard work of healing. Simply doing that one thing will create a better future for yourself!

Let’s chat a little bit about feeling the feelings after a break-up. This is one thing I wish I had known earlier in life as it is life-changing, in my opinion.

Feelings are just, well, feelings. They aren’t good or bad and we can’t make them go away. They reside in our bodies.

A sure-fire way to make them bigger and worse is to attach stories or judgment to them. A story sounds like “I am so stupid. I will never have a successful relationship”. Judgment sounds like “I hate feeling this” or “I am so insecure to still be feeling this”.

The feeling is in the body.

When you notice yourself feeling “off”, take some time to notice where it resides in your body. Some people feel a tightening of the chest or an ache in their stomach. I tend to feel tingling, like electricity, in the lower half of my body. And let me tell you, it is an awful feeling.

Once you have located the feeling in your body, lay down on the couch or bed. Keep your thoughts on the feeling in your body. Like I said, avoid the stories and judgment.

Gently ask yourself, “what feeling is coming up in me?”. Is it disappointment? Fear? Sadness?

If you can identify the feeling, stay with it. Breathe through it. And notice as it slowly leaves your body. This can take anywhere from 5-30 minutes.

Meditation and breathwork help with this process.

Now, I wish I could say that once you do this, all will be well. But it is actually a process that you need to work with for a while before you start noticing how well it works. Let me tell you, the first time this works you will think you have struck gold.

And you have. This technique applies to any emotion that is getting stuck in your body.

So be patient with yourself and keep trying until you get it.

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I also want to say this: you WILL move through your break-up. You WILL find a light at the end of the tunnel. And once you do, the light will get bigger and brighter until to step out into your own beautiful life that you created.

And this place, my friend, is called PEACE.

3 TIPS FOR HEALING A BROKEN HEART

SCROLL DOWN TO DOWNLOAD YOUR FREE “FEELING THE FEELINGS” HOW-TO AND WORKSHEET!!!